TTC- THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS.

TTC (trying to conceive) can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when you believe it’ll happen for you so quickly. Many couples face the difficulties of starting a family, and every couple’s journey is so different, you can never compare the two. But one thing I do find quite the same is that no matter what, it can feel like a lonely road. It isn’t all negative, there are some upsides of the ttc process, I believe it really gets you to learn a lot about yourself and I view that as a positive. When mentioning to others that you and your significant other are Trying for a baby, the whole world gives you their two cents about what to do, and you find online also has a sea of advice. So how do you navigate the sea of advice being thrown at you? We’ll explore how to manage the whirlwind of TTC advice, focusing on strategies to stay positive and resilient. I will be open and honest about what I have experienced and hopefully help you filter the advice you receive.

So, you’ve decided with your partner that this is the month you’re going to try for a baby. The excitement fills the air as you both start envisioning your new life as parents. You think about the baby items you’ll need to buy and you pick out all the names you love. Then, you make the mistake of searching on Google ‘how to fall pregnant?”. The online world of conception is one big dark hole, and I mean that in the most pleasant way possible. I remember reading all of these forums about TTC (trying to conceive) and tracking your ovulation, what DPO (days past ovulation) means, and how to chart your BBT (basal body temperature). All these acronyms started driving me crazy, but at the same time, I was incredibly hooked. What world did I just step into?

 
Don’t get me wrong—the community seemed quite helpful and supportive at times. However, you would be amazed at some of the questions being asked and how open so many women were about their bodily fluids. Yes, you read that correctly: women are talking about their CM (cervical mucus). I know, right? Completely mind-blowing. But when you really delve into what it takes to fall pregnant, you start to see how necessary all this information is. Falling pregnant isn’t just about doing the deed with your partner without protection. It’s about whether your body is prepped for conception, like ovulating regularly.

 
For me, I took this information and ran with it. I became so obsessed with getting it ‘right’ that I put unnecessary pressure on myself, making the TTC process not enjoyable at all. It’s one thing to research and give yourself more of an idea about getting prepped with vitamins, healthy eating habits, ovulation dates, and regular periods, but take what you’re reading with a grain of salt. TTC is quite basic in what you need to know, not taking into account the many problems people face with infertility, which is a whole other topic I am in no position to write about or discuss. What I do know is that you should always consult your general practitioner with any concerns regarding your hormonal health or any information you may need to start your family. Reading the internet is not a diagnosis for anything.

When my husband and I were trying for our first baby, we were fine about not falling pregnant until it hit month five. Now, I know for a lot of people that isn’t a long time, and truth be told, it really isn’t. At the time, though, it felt like an eternity, especially when you are tracking your cycles and having sex almost every day (argh, the fun times). And for those women who understand, once ovulation is over, the symptom spotting was always a fun game (not). From every twinge, flutter, cramp, and nauseous feeling, you really believed each month was it. So, five months for my husband and me felt like an eternity, and since I can only speak about my experience, this is how I felt: hopeless. Why was it that everyone I knew was falling pregnant so easily (silly), and here I was, tracking my cycles, taking every vitamin known to man, and even laying with my legs up (yes, ridiculous, but I read it somewhere, I swear).

 
The reason was, I was overthinking it way too much. I found myself not only thinking about falling pregnant but watching YouTube vlogs on it and reading about it, so it really consumed my thoughts 24 hours a day. This is not healthy at all, and if I could go back in time, I would really try to tell myself to let go of that part of the process. I would accept the fact I was TTC but not read about it obsessively. I would still track my ovulation, but I would not expect my husband and I to do the deed almost every day, where it was no longer enjoyable but became a chore. I would stay healthy but not stop myself from enjoying life (i.e., drinking at parties or events—of course, responsibly). I would also have someone to talk to about it besides my partner. This one is a big tip: whether it’s a sibling, relative, best friend, or a therapist, it’s important to have someone other than your partner to talk to about your defeating moments. The same goes for your partner; they should always have someone they can open up to, as this journey could be a long one.

Now, I know those tips may seem basic and obvious, but when you're trying for a baby, you find that those simple things are easier said than done. My husband and I's conversations became 90% about not falling pregnant, and all that consumed my brain were the things I could do to help fall pregnant faster. Honestly, it becomes so easy to obsess about that it turns extremely unhealthy and stressful. We all want it, but unfortunately, we can’t control when it happens, so you must stay as positive as you can, even in times of defeat, and understand that stressing about it will not help. I proved this theory in my case (not speaking for others, as each journey is different for everyone).

At six months, my husband and I decided to take a break from trying (not that you physically take a break, but you understand that you aren’t thinking about it and won’t be testing, etc.). We decided to buy a dog. This wasn’t because we didn’t fall pregnant, but while we were trying, we were asked if we wanted a Siberian husky who was three years old as the family was moving overseas. We did, but then the owner gave their dog to a family member who wanted him. This made us think we should buy one, as we wanted the other dog so badly. I jumped online and found an eight-week-old Siberian husky, and she was beautiful. She honestly changed our life forever. when we got her, it was a new world, all of our focus and energy was on our beautiful girl and giving her the best training. I believe my husband and I had sex maybe a couple of times that month (due to our focus being on the dog-if you know, you know), and at 9DPO (days past ovulation), I saw my positive pregnancy test.

Now, this might not make sense in what I’m trying to explain. I’m not saying everyone has to go out and buy a dog to become pregnant, but what it showed me was that by being distracted and putting my focus on something else besides trying for a baby, my body relaxed, my brain relaxed, and it happened on its own. I understand there are many other things that can prevent a pregnancy from happening for couples, and I understand that it doesn’t just happen like that for everyone, but in my case, it did, and I believe the only thing stopping me was myself. For a lot of women, that could be the case. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to relax. Meditate more, be more positive, focus on something else, and enjoy this process with your husband. It may have taken me seven months to conceive, but it took me one month of changing my focus.

TTC is a journey, and it can be emotional at times, but you must always remain positive, even when you feel like you can't. It’s crucial for your mind and body to stay as relaxed as possible. Try to put it at the back of your mind. Don’t stop yourself from having fun, and don’t cut out your favourite foods because you read somewhere that it lowers your egg quality. Be mindful of what you read online, as it can become very overwhelming, which is not what you need during this time. Take every piece of advice with a grain of salt; people will always try to help, but no one can really tell you what your body is doing. Do not stay quiet during this time. Make sure you and your partner have someone to talk to, as it can be a long journey. Keep an open mind, and most importantly, relax. Remember, your journey is unique and personal. Embrace it with hope and patience, and trust that your story will unfold beautifully in its own time.