Your new identity-Mum
No one really prepares you for the identity shift that comes with becoming a mother. Honestly, I didn't think about it myself. I also believe many other women tend to leave that part out when they explain what motherhood is like. I don't think they do it to hide anything; rather, they might be afraid to admit it. For a while, I was afraid to admit what I was going through. I couldn't tell anyone about the immense anxiety I felt about not knowing who I was anymore. I didn't keep it to myself to seem like I had it all together. In fact, I was quite honest about struggling to find my feet. However, I did feel like what I was experiencing wasn't normal.
It’s quite normal to feel like you are starting from scratch. The reality is that you don’t really have much time for yourself anymore. Motherhood consumes your whole mind. All you constantly think about are schedules, feeds, milestones, and raising your child to be an amazing human being, which means you tend to put yourself on the backburner for a lot of things. It is quite easy to forget about yourself. If you think about it, there’s your partner, children, household, and then maybe yourself if there’s time left in the day. It’s understandable that you feel lost. You go from having the time to see friends, listen to music, and dance to suddenly experiencing labour, exhaustion, and then the start of motherhood.
This isn’t meant to be negative, but it's important to acknowledge that we aren't really shown how to handle these emotions. After a life-changing event like giving birth, we are often left to our own devices. Some parents don’t have “the village” to support them. I remember when my son was 5 months old—I turned 26 and felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. I found myself only talking about being a mother. I didn’t watch any shows (who has time as a new parent?), I wasn’t working, and I didn’t have anything to talk about. I felt awkward around people because I didn’t know how to fill the silence. I even struggled to articulate a sentence because my brain was always racing. I really lost myself.
The old me was outgoing, social, vibrant, and honestly had so many hobbies like reading, which was my favorite thing to do. But when I became a mother, I became sleep-deprived, so critical of myself about absolutely everything that it honestly took away from the first year of my son’s life. I was so worried about all the wrong things that I feel like my son’s first year of life is a bit of a blur. It saddens me when I look back because I honestly wished I had calmed down and just stayed present. Instead, I constantly put myself down for everything, which took away so much time.
After my son’s first birthday, I started to slowly feel like myself again, but better. Something clicked in me. I became more confident in myself and as a mother, and I started to find new interests that made my brain start thinking again. When I started to take the pressure off myself and accept the change in my life, I really felt more at peace. It was okay that I wasn’t the same person I was before. It’s okay to grow and outgrow people. It’s okay to like new things or to have different opinions. I really embraced the new confidence, and that was only because I started to change my point of view on myself. My son growing up and me getting some sleep finally also did help a little (a lot). I just felt more in control.
There were certain things I did that helped me find my new self. I started doing morning walks any chance I could. If I could only get out twice in the week, then so be it (if it was too cold to take my son with me), and I got in as many steps as I could. The fresh air in the morning really helped kickstart my day. I also changed my diet—more whole foods and tried different recipes and ingredients for the first time, which helped give me energy. On the days I couldn’t get out, I would put on some music and just dance for 30 minutes with my son. I would buy books on my phone and any free time I had, I would just read. I found a love and interest in hormone health/reset, so I really researched any chance I could and tried to educate myself every day with something new. It was these changes that helped me discover who I was, and in return, I flourished.
Motherhood isn’t easy, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love what motherhood has done for me. Apart from blessing me with my two beautiful children, it has taught me so much about myself and what I can do. It has shown me my strength and has pushed me outside of my comfort zone many times.
Finding your new identity as a mum is a journey. It's natural to feel overwhelmed and lost at times but remember that it's all part of the process. Embrace the changes and give yourself grace as you navigate this new chapter. It's okay to miss the old you, but also celebrate the new you that's emerging—stronger, more resilient, and filled with love. Take time for self-discovery, find new interests, and reconnect with what makes you happy. Motherhood transforms us in profound ways, but it also brings out the best in us. Keep exploring, keep growing, and know that you're doing an amazing job.